


Idiot Jar

by pinkamour1588



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Fluff, Food Poisoning, Illnesses, M/M, Nausea, References to Sex, Romance, Teasing, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11890365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkamour1588/pseuds/pinkamour1588
Summary: “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.“





	Idiot Jar

It’d been almost two weeks without a serious incident, beyond the typical random injured engineer. Leonard should’ve known that the streak would break soon enough. But instead he was sitting in his office immensely grateful for the seeming break in chaos as he caught up on paperwork.

And then his door buzzed and he pressed the button in the drawer on his desk to open it, not looking up as the person walked in.

“The captain’s here,” Christine said.

“M’Benga’s on shift. He can see to Jim,” Leonard answered offhandedly.

“He is, but I think you’re still going to want to come.”

In a second, Leonard was on his feet, and feeling vaguely nauseous. “Take me to him,” he choked out.

Christine led the way to one of the exam rooms as Leonard’s heart pounded. When he walked in, he was hit by the stench of vomit and some unidentifiable substance no doubt off the planet Jim had just returned from an away mission on. And Leonard was sure he was going to be sick and it wasn’t from the smell. It was the fact all that he could see of Jim was from the knees down and Jim wasn’t moving. It certainly didn’t help that it looked as the entire on duty medbay staff was standing about the bio bed.

Then he heard a cough and retch and saw Jim’s legs move.

“Where’s Bones?” He heard Jim whisper hoarsely between the sound of vomiting.

Leonard walked the rest of the way over to the bed. “Right here. What trouble did you get yourself into this time?”

“The natives offered me a drink as a welcome, and as a peace offering. Jake had informed me that it was considered rude in their culture to refuse food or drink and the Federation really wants to come to some form some sort of deal with them.” Jim lurched forward and a nurse put a vomit bowl in front of him just in time. When he finished, he flopped back against the pillow behind him tiredly.

Leonard just sighed and rolled his eyes, biting back any other comments he wanted to make.

After blood samples were taken to the medical labs, the staff left Leonard and Jim alone. Leonard had gone back to his office and grabbed his PADD so he could at least attempt to be productive. Not that he really ended up being since every change in a sound of the monitors or a cough or retch from Jim had his attention instantly.

~

By that evening, Jim had been cleared by M’Benga and allowed to go back to his quarters with Leonard. It had been determined that the drink was inducing little more than the equivalent to bad food poisoning. No doubt part of the reason Jim was released back to his quarters was that no one wanted to deal with Leonard sitting in medbay all night.

Leonard sent Jim to the shower to get the rest of the planet smell off of him while he got settled in bed. He was in the middle of reading an article in a new periodical when Jim laid down in bed and put his head on Leonard’s lap.

“You know, eventually I’m going to have to lay down so I don’t know how ideal it would be for you to fall asleep there,” Leonard commented as he turned the page on his PADD.

“Who said anything about falling asleep here?” Jim turned his head to look up at Leonard and was met with a skeptical eyebrow raise.

“Just don’t complain if you wake up and I’m shoving you off me.” He went back to reading and mindlessly carded his fingers through Jim’s hair. After about five minutes of feeling the blond watching him, he sighed and set his tablet aside. “I’ve been thinking and I’ve decided something,” he said as he looked down at Jim.

“Should I be scared?”

“I don’t know. That’ll be up to you.”

“What’ve you decided?”

“I’ve decided I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a credit in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was. I’m thinking drinking something you know nothing about is worth, oh, two credits.”

Jim snorted.

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, well, if you’re starting an idiot jar, I’m going to start a sin tin and you’re going to have to put a lot more than two credits in after what you did last night,” Jim smirked.

“You’re a pain in the ass.”

“There was still a little pain on my ass when I first woke up this morning.”

“Yeah, there’ll be more once you’re not sick.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Jim grinned, knowing the answer already.

“Both.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://pinkamour1588.tumblr.com)


End file.
